The Daily Journal du lieu suivant : Franklin, Indiana • Page 9

Daily Journal, Johnson County, Indiana, Friday, April 11, IMf 1 i i 'Choices 4 Parents juggle kids and work vV- -P' '7 By JUDY MARTEL Daily Journal Lifestyle Editor On a normal weekday, Janet Duncan is up by 7 a.m. Her husband, Steve, is usually off to work by 7:30, and Janet spends a couple of hours getting breakfast for her 3-month-old, Lucas, and her 3-year-old, Allison. She clears the breakfast dishes, and, twice a week, takes her daughter to preschool. When Allison's not in preschool, they go to the zoo, the children's museum, the library, shopping or the VMCA. Life at home with kids is not quite as peaceful as Donna Reed or June Cleaver made it appear on television.

"It took me three days to clean this room," 31-year-old Duncan said of her expansive, ivory-carpeted living room in her comfortable White River Township home. "That part (cleaning) is hard for me to give up, so I stay up to midnight" to spend time during the day with the children. Peggy Surface, 31, of White River Township is up by 5 a.m. weekdays. She wakes up her two children, Amanda, 5, and Dean, 3, and she and her husband, Randy, each take one and get them ready for Mount Auburn church preschool day care.

They are out the door by 6 30 or 6 45. Surface drives 45 to 50 minutes to her job in animal research at Eli Lilly in Greenfield, and is at the day care by 5:30 p.m. to pick up the kids. At home, "it's pretty hectic," she said. "You've got to get dinner on the table right away." After dinner, she puts the kids in the tub for their bath and does the dinner dishes.

Once she -gets the kids out of the bath, she throws a load of laundry in while she goes over any school projects with her children. They are in bed by 8:30, and she finishes chores and gets to bed by 11:30 or midnight. The career life is not so glamorous either. "Sometimes I feel a little selfish wondering, 'Would they be better off if I was at "Sometimes I feel a little selfish wondering, 'Would they be better off if I was at Surface said, but when she sees how happy her children are in day care she said she feels relieved. With the increasing number of child-care options for couples, deciding who should work and who should take care of the kids is a continuous process.

"Every day you have a new emotion," Duncan said. Formerly a first-grade parochial school teacher in Decatur Township with nine years experience, Duncan is seriously considering returning to work. She returned to work after her daughter was born, but had decided to stay home after the birth of their son. Now she thinks she will return to teaching in August or January. "You have a lot of guilt," she said.

"You feel selfish doing something you enjoy." Going back to work will mean about half her salary will go toward quality child care, but she feels she will be keeping her position for the future. "I hate to let go of it," she said. "It's really going to pay off in the end." Staying at home, she said, has not made her days easier. "Women who stay home, if they are really involved -with their children, it's just as much work," she said. "The woman who stays home is a professional too." Duncan still does chores at night, just as she did when she was teaching full time, and still doesn't get to bed much before midnight.

"It takes a lot of energy," she said. STAFF PHOTO BY STEVE HEALEY romps In the great room. Duncan decided to stay home after the birth of her son, but is having second thoughts. GETTING READY FOR A BIG DAY, Janet Duncan of White River Township dresses her son, Lucas, while her daughter, Amanda, mode without trauma now." Surface said she was "used to a more hectic schedule," and it was not a hard decision for her to return to work six weeks after each child was born. It wasn't completely without hardship, though.

When the day came to bring Amanda to day care, "I cried all the way to work," Surface said. Her career, she added, provides her with "mental stimulation." Two incomes also help, since the couple bought their second house and began remodeling it at the same time they were having children. "I love my job and I chose my job, and I went to school, Surface said, but in the long run, it's the children's happiness that matters. Being in day care has helped her kids become disposable diapers." "I was scared the whole time I was pregnant, wondering how to get it all done, but it all fell into place." Duncan told a similar story. "With the first child, everything had to be perfect.

With the second, you stick the bottle in his mouth as you're driving down the road." Duncan and her husband were married three years before having children, and "the battles were fought then," she said, about dividing chores, because both worked full time. Both always wanted children, and make them the No. 1 priority. "We're' real "For me, what I put on hold is myself," Duncan said. "That's what I have to do to make myself feel better." Fathers discuss child-care options She was raised in Franklin by a mother and father who both worked.

"I don't remember any negative repercussions from her working. I feel at least I had a good model," she said, but added that her mother didn't have a choice, and worked for financial reasons. "It's easier if you have to (work) because there's no guilt." Duncan said her husband is supportive of whichever decision she makes about her career. 'I change all the time," Duncan said. "About eight weeks ago, I was dying to get back to work." After the birth of her first child, Duncan said she knew she would go back to work.

"I never got out of the professional mode," she said. But now she feels more relaxed. "I can see myself fitting in the mommy Drop out? No way! Go to your teachers and tell them that you are determined to stay in school and graduate. It may take you a while to graduate, but it will be worth it. Hang in there, and good luck.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are planning a simple, intimate wedding in my home, after which we will depart for a brief but romantic honeymoon. A longtime friend of mine told me not to arrange anything for our wedding night because she wanted to take care of it. When I asked her what she had in mind, she told me it was going to be a surprise, that I would have to "trust" her. 1 I more outgoing and independent, she said. "I think those are great traits to' have." Both Surf ace and Duncan felt pressured to be perfect after the birth of their first child.

The Surfaces were married for five years before they had children. The first child, Peggy said, was a "rude awakening." "I thought I had to be a perfect mom," she said, "so all hours of the night, I'm washing diapers, sterilizing bottles," and feeling exhausted. "I think at the time, I thought my house had to be immaculate, work had to be OK, and my daughter had to be immaculate. I couldn't do it all," she said. "I kind of relaxed when my second one came.

I realized there's nothing wrong with "Raising kids is a lot harder than working. I wouldn't want her fob." Porterfield works 4 p.m. to midnight, so when Frechette feeds the baby at 7 a.m., he is usually asleep. "She doesn't wake me, and I don't hearanything." Samantha goes back to sleep when Frechette goes to work, and wakes up again at 10 or 10:30, ready to play, Porterfield said. He feeds her at noon, Samantha takes a nap soon after, then Porterfield brings her to Frechette's office, where a sitter watches her until Frechette gets off work.

The couple only needs a sitter to take care of Samantha for about 9Vi hours a week, Porterfield said. Mike Robertson, 35, of White River township said he feels his two children, Darcie, 7, and Amy, 4, have benefitted from having his wife, Nancy, stay home full time. He remembers his own mother being there when he came home from school. "I guess I'm kind of old-fashioned," he said. "But I think both my kids, they enjoy it." "You have your ups and downs," calendar of SATURDAY Young's Creek Cemetery Association, home of James L.

Doane, annual meeting, MONDAY Former employees of GC Murphy, Pon-derosa restaurant, Franklin, 6:30 p.m. Bargersville Order of Eastern Star Auxiliary, home of Ann Doty, 7:30 p.m. Tri Delta Alumnae, home of Mrs. Robert Shook, circle degree for seniors and installation of officers, 7 30 p.m. Zeta Lambda Chapter Tri Kappa, home of Jody Cusson-Qpbb, pledging, 7:30 p.m.

TUESDAY Franklin Kiwanis Club, Eli Lilly Campus Center, Steve Black to speak on his trip to Japan, 6: IS p.m. Kiwanis Club of Greenwood, MCL Cafeteria, Greenwood, Col. Jorge Stachel to he said, and living on one salary after being used to two is hard. "You just have to push things aside. Sure, I'd like to buy a new car." He and Nancy were married seven years before they had children, and both always felt that Nancy would stay home with the kids, at least until they started school.

Nancy had worked in the state office building before they had children. When Amy is in preschool, Nancy will work a couple of hours straightening out the books at her father's business, Waltz and Sons Machine Co. Greenwood, where Mike works. She will increase her hours when the kids are both in school, Mike said, but still be available if they are sick and when they come home from school. "We're lucky in that way," he said.

Nancy takes care of most of the household and child-rearing tasks, Mike said, "but at night I try to take over from there." He gives the kids -baths and goes over homework assignments with them. "That's my time with them." Robertson thinks his wife has a more difficult job than he does. The family recently returned from a vacation, he said, and "I'm with them a week, and I'm ready to go back to work." "Raising kids is a lot harder than working," Mike said. "I wouldn't want her job." meeting speak on Camp Atterbury, 6 p.m. SO Plus Club of Greenwood, clubhouse, fun and games, 1 30 p.m.

Johnson County Memorial Hospital Guild, hospital education department, Natalie Lent! of Adult and Child Mental Health Center to speak, 2 p.m. Greenwood Chapter AQ of PEO Sisterhood, Greenwood Trails club house, annual birthday party, 30 p.m. WEDNESDAY Hopewell Loyal Workers I iethod- 1st Home, Franklin, noon. Jubilee Lodge 746, WhiteiaaU Masonic Temple, entered apprentice degree, 7 p.m. THURSDAY Greater Whiteland SO Plus Club, New Whiteland Town Hall, pitch-ih dinner, 6:30 p.m.- XL.

By JUDY MARTEL Daily Journal Lifestyle Editor' Running a smooth household with children is not solely the woman's domain anymore, with increasing numbers of parents working full time. Whether both parents work is as much a father's decision as a mother's. Mike Porterfield and Linda Frechette of Nineveh had a baby girl four months ago, and find that being a working couple is not difficult. "We knew she'd continue to work," Porterfield said of his wife, who is an optometrist. "It's something she always wanted to do." Porterfield works nights at Nor-plexOak Division Allied Signal, and is also a disc jockey.

Frechette works weekdays and one Saturday. Porterfield takes care of Samantha during the day, and Frechette is with her in the evening. Porterfield said he finds he gets, "more quality time" with his daughter during the day. "It gives me a lot more time to get to know her." He said he doesn't find his schedule of taking care of a baby and working full-time exhausting. "She's fun to be with; it's a joy to be with her." Porterfield, 30, and Frechette were married for three years before having children.

He said they were "pretty much prepared" for the new schedule they would have, and found tneir expectations were not far off. Well, neither my fiance nor I want any surprises on our wedding night, so after much consternation, I finally gathered my Courage and told my friend that I appreciated her generosity, but our honeymoon plans had already been made, so she shouldn't plan any "surprises" for our wedding night. Her reaction was a mixture of hurt and hostility. Abby, do you think we acted reasonably in declining her offer? HATES SURPRISES DEAR HATES: You were not wrong. This friend was very presumptuous to try to intrude herself on your wedding night.

You owe her no apologies. STAFF PHOTO BY STEVE HEALEY GATHERING UP BOOKS for the day, Randy Sur- home after a day at preschool at Mount Auburn face prepares to take his daughter, Amanda, 5, day care and preschool. Student poised tO drop OUt Of School DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl and I want to drop out of school. Some people tell me I shouldn't drop out, and some say I'm wasting my time in school. (I am not a very good student.) Can you give me some pointers on how to make school easier for me so I won't have to drop out? I got kicked out of school for two semesters and right now it is very hard for me.

I am so far behind now, I teei iiKe calling it quits. I have a hard time getting up in the morning, and hate taking all that hassle for falling so far behind in my schoolwork. It would be a lot easier to just quit and find some kind of job. Lots of people make it without a high school diploma. Please tell me what to do.

MIXED UP IN BAY CITY, MICH. By Abigail Van Buren Syndicated Columnist dear abby DEAR MLXED UP: You are not as "mixed up" as you say you are. The person who asks for help is thinking clearly and wants some input before making an important decision. i.